Growing up we never ate Spaghettios or Chef Boyardee Ravioli.  Other kids must have, but for us that was fake Italian and the simple presence of it in our house would have been blasphemous to our Italian heritage.  Imagine my surprise a few weeks ago when my dad started reminiscing about the Chef Boyardee Pizza kits he remembers from childhood.  And then imagine my further surprise when, after joking about it with Greg for the entire winter break, he actually finds said pizza kits at Publix and buys one.  (And for less than $3, you can go get your own!)

And of course Greg headed back to college before he got the chance to suffer (did I say suffer? I meant enjoy…) through the Chef Boyardee Pizza Maker experience.  To be fair, my mom and Grandma Alice ditched us for Olive Garden, so Greg wasn’t the only one to abandon ship.

What does it take to put together this sad little pizza? Not very much.  I think the only ingredients not included in the box were the oil and water for the dough.  Of course I did improvise a bit to make it better.  There was no way I was eating pizza only covered in what might have possibly been Parmesan cheese from a foil packet.

It did come out of the oven looking like a pizza.  Not the world’s prettiest pizza, but my expectations were low.

The dough tasted kind of like biscuit dough, and I can’t quite place what the sauce tasted like.  It really didn’t taste like tomato sauce much at all.  The closes comparison I can come up with is to say that it reminded me a little of buffalo sauce but without the spiciness and a little more chemically altered tomato flavor.  I sent a picture to Aunt Vera just as we were starting to put it together and her response was: “OMG!! Who even allowed that in the house!  I didn’t think they made that any more!! Baby Tony is going through his second bad childhood and should not be subjecting you to it!” Notice all the exclamation points.  She then encouraged me to take it outside and use it as a frisbee instead of trying to eat it—that would have been safer.

But I did make it through alive (I let my dad try it first.  I was NOT brave enough to take the first bite).  Now I’m just praying he doesn’t get the urge to try it again.

For those of you who want to take a step back in time and reminisce:

Only cartoon characters could actually make that pizza round.

“A meal in a minute, with the Chef’s touch in it” …

For my actual attempt at pizza making that I guarantee wont kill your tastebuds and make them beg for mercy check out my pizza post.  I hope everyones 2014 is off to a great start.