Why I’m Bad at Writing Book Reviews; Plus, a Book Review!

Okay, so today I’m going to write you a short book review because I read things.  Lots of things.  No big surprise, I know.  Two English degrees and I’ve been working as a bookseller for most likely way too long.  I read books, I love books, I know books.

Now, confession time: I am terrible at writing book reviews(not a surprise, assuming you read the title of this post).  I blame this on the fact that I have the shortest memory ever, and also on the fact that I look online and read these fabulous gigantic things that are essentially books by themselves (short books—maybe kids books?) and they’re funny and thought provoking (I laugh, I cry, I make scrunchy angry faces) and they’re also a little daunting.  I cannot for the life of me write these type of book reviews.  I don’t know why, they just automatically give me intense writers block and then I suddenly become overcome with this feeling of sadness because clearly you’re a failure of a writer (and a reader) if you can’t write a witty book review.  Why did I bother with that MA?

I cannot be the only writer who suffers from this.  And I swear, I’m fine when I’m working at the bookstore.  I can babble on for hours about books I love.  I even had customers (a husband and wife) film me once to send to their mother for whom they were buying the book (The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society) because my review of it was that amazing and entertaining that they made me say it all over again to record on their cell phone.  They knew that she would absolutely want to read the book (Which is excellent and will absolutely give you the warm fuzzies.  Everyone needs the warm fuzzies once in a while.) if she heard me rambling on and on about how amazing it was.  That said, I did think it was a bit weird to be recorded (it was a very nice couple, maybe ten years older than me…though now I’m having awful Borders flashbacks…) but, for the record, I happen to be that enthusiastic about that particular book…and therefore my review probably was that spectacular.  I have no idea if this woman ever read or liked the book, but that isn’t the point.

The point of it all is that I can review things.  I have opinions gosh-darnit, and people value my opinions.  Yes, some of these people are random strangers (and some of these people take my opinions just to ignore them…oh, the life of a bookseller…and some of these other people ignore my opinions because they think you can’t trust the opinion of a high schooler—because I look really young, I get it…stupid reason to ignore me, but whatever, I’m not bitter), however isn’t that even cooler?  To have random strangers all like “she’s a bookseller, clearly she’s read everything, she’ll tell me what to read” even though they only read books written by taxidermy enthusiasts or about Tibetan monks who have spent no less than five months in isolation eating only green grapes.

Those last 500 words exist to tell you that I’m about to write you a very short book review (short is how I roll) in hopes that it’ll turn out better than my attempts at really long book reviews.  Yeah…500 words and I’m about to make you read MORE!

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This is what a book looks like after it’s lived in your purse for a week because you absolutely cannot leave home without it.

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

(A Mostly True Memoir)

By Jenny Lawson

I was given this one for Christmas by the wonderful Erica who thought it would be right up my alley after I made her read Mishna Wolff’s I’m Down last year for Christmas. (Okay, I didn’t make her, but I gave it to her, which is a big suggestion that it is absolutely worth reading.) Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, is positively hilarious.  She had an unusual childhood that revolved around her father’s strange obsessions with wildlife and taxidermy.  Growing into adulthood she finally discovered that she had an anxiety disorder that pretty much caused all of her intense (and I mean INTENSE) awkwardness in social situations (namely dinner parties).  I couldn’t tell you my favorite part of the book, because there were too many moments where I had to stop reading because I was laughing so hard(though if I really had to pick, the pet turkeys would come up on top).  I brought it with me to lunch yesterday to do some in public reading while eating at a table by myself (I have friends…) and I could not stop laughing the entire time.  And I loved that.  I kept hoping that the table of business people sitting next to me were eyeing me and wondering what on Earth that girl was reading because she is laughing so hard and we are not because we’re business people that still have to go back to work and that makes us sad.  I laughed so hard that eventually the girl working the register at TOM+CHEE came over to ask me what I was reading because she really could use a good book.  I had to stop laughing to tell her and I can only imagine her sitting at home now, laughing like an idiot and thinking to herself, thank you random girl that recommended this book to me.  I am getting such a great ab workout from laughing so hard at this book that I wont have to go to the gym for at least a week, maybe a month because I could always read it again.  And so, to Jenny Lawson, I would like to say a sincere “Thank You” for being so freaking funny.  To the girl at TOM+CHEE, “You’re welcome.”

Now, I know you’re now thinking to yourself, Angela, where on Earth is the plot description in all that?  It’s a memoir…Jenny is born, she grows up, gets married, has a baby.  Memoir-y stuff happens and this is why I’m so awful at book reviews.  I was hoping that you’d be so inspired by hearing how much I laughed that you’d forget about all of the normal things that go in book reviews and move on….Jedi mind trick: this is not the book review you’re looking for.

There will be no novel word count for the week because, on top of not practicing guitar, going to they gym, finishing my coloring bookmarks, or finishing the Hitchhiker’s Guide painting that I went out of my way to take home…I haven’t worked on that this week at all.  In my defense I got sick and slept during my free time.  But I’m finally feeling mostly better so I’ll get on that at once!  Also, I’ll hopefully have another finished painting up soon!  Also, also, we’re moving the bookstore, which will be very heavy!  But it’s better than closing!  Also, also, also, that’s it!  I’m just horrible at ending things.  In the immortal words of Tigger: TTFN.

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